How To Tell The Difference Between Love & Lust

There is nothing wrong with wanting to rip your spouse’s clothes off on a whim (it can definitely result in a hot relationship), but whether or not there is a deeper romance will ascertain the commitment level. Understanding the difference between love and lust will help you understand romantically involved you imagine being to get the long run with your companion. And, what’s more, it’ll give you a good idea of how to feel seeing weaknesses and how they impact you.

As a licensed health coach I work with individuals on feeling satisfied in their relationships, no matter what that actually stands for. Sometimes, individuals are just after lust, or rather an intimate (frequently mostly physical) relationship which is more short lived, hot, and obsessive. Consider: You can’t keep your hands off each other when. But usually there is less of a link beyond the physical (you are kind of dating the human body, rather than the individual inside it). A relationship will have a more meaning, as there’s an affection and understanding that there. Regardless of what you are currently looking for, the two can be quite fulfilling the outcome will differ.

You’ve got Meaningful Conversation

According to Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, a licensed clinical professional counselor and a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist, above email with Bustle, in case you are finding a deeper level of communication, there is probably a love there. “When there’s depth to the relationship, beyond merely physical attraction, that is a good sign that there’s love. You have the ability to have meaningful conversations, speak about your dreams for your relationship, learn about each other’s interests and family background,” Rabbi Slatkin explains.


“Should you end up romantically and sexually excited by them, but have no interest in the emotional and other non-sexual facets of the relationship, then it likely is just lust,” says David Bennett, a certified advisor and dating pro to Bustle.

You’re Still Invested In Them Despite Bad Sex

If you’re suffering to have a sexual chemistry with your partner, or you don’t enjoy his or her style in bed, but you still want to stay with them for a ton of other reasons, it’s probably because you love them, says Bennett. “Love is a connection that is deeper than just sexual attraction, and is mental as well as intellectual, and continues even when you may be trying hard to connect intimately with your spouse,” says Bennett.


“Lust is typically compound, primal and strongly physical. It usually entails idealization and fantasy about the individual,” states Stacy Kaiser, Live Joyful Editor In Large and licensed psychotherapist, to Bustle. “Love will be calmer and quieter. It takes more time to develop and feels much more like a mental and mental bond than a physical or chemical one,” Kaiser adds.

You are Obsessive

“Lust and the first stages of a relationship involve the addiction center of the mind, which can be fed by the hormones that surge through you each time you visit or think about the object of the desires,” states Michelle Archard, Romance Expert to Bustle. “If you’re continually searching to get a ‘fix’ of the partner then you are most likely still in the lust phase. If you’re able to go a while without contact and aren’t continually thinking about them then you have moved into the attachment or love stage,” Archard describes.

You Believe Grounded Around Them

“Love is profound grounded feeling. Love is layered. When helpful hints like someone, the whole package is taken by you. You want to get to know them. Generally speaking, you will be more interested in peeling back those layers.

You’re Doing “Couple” Things

“From the time love happens, couples are usually moving in with them, purchasing a house, moving up the career ladder, and believing of children. So they have a lot more stress happening in their life, which helps to kill (or even slow down) lust,” explains Cath Hakanson, sex educator and founder of Sex Ed Rescue to Bustle.

my sources are Focused On Getting Everything You Need

Here’s an integral difference: Lust is all about getting what you need (maybe some hot sex ?) , while love is much more concerning enduring the relationship and giving on a spouse, explains Author & relationship coach, Brian Taylor, to Bustle. Consider it’ll help determine whether you are feeling love or lust and where your mind is.

You Do Not Feel Safe To Open

“Should you truly feel safe to share your feelings on your relationship, and you also feel accepted despite your flaws, it is likely love. Should you feel you can not or don’t want to discuss your feelings and be emotionally vulnerable in your relationship, then it is likely lust,” Shirani M. Pathak, LCSW, Relationship Center of Silicon Valley, states over email with Bustle.

If Love vs Lust discover any of these gaps popping up in your relationship, you’ll definitely get a few signals to understand the difference. That’s great when it’s aligned with what you need. Otherwise, it’s time to re-evaluate.