How To Tell The Difference Between Love & Lust

There is nothing wrong with needing to rip your spouse’s clothing off on a whim (it can definitely result in a hot relationship), however, whether or not there is a deeper love will determine the commitment level. Understanding the difference between lust and love will help you understand romantically involved you envision being to get the long run with your partner. And, what is more, read what he said ‘ll provide you a good idea of exactly how to feel towards your spouse, regarding her or his flaws and how they impact you.

As a licensed wellness coach , I work with people on feeling satisfied in their relationships, regardless of what that really stands for. Sometimes, people are only after lust, or rather an intimate (often mainly physical) relationship which is more short lived, hot, and obsessive. Consider: You can’t keep your hands off each other when. But , usually there is less of a link beyond the physical (you’re kind of dating the body, instead of the person inside it). Since there’s an affection and understanding there, a relationship built on love is going to have a significance. Regardless of what you are presently searching for, the two can be quite satisfying the result will fluctuate. Here are 9 ways to tell the difference between lust and love at a relationship.

You’ve got Meaningful Conversation

According to Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, a licensed clinical professional counselor and also a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist, over email with Bustle, if you’re finding a deeper level of communication, there’s likely a love there. “When there’s depth to the relationship, beyond just physical attraction, that’s a good sign that there is love. You are able to have meaningful conversations, discuss your dreams for your relationship, learn about each other’s interests and family background,” Rabbi Slatkin describes.

You’re Excited By Them Only Sexually

“Should you end up romantically and sexually aroused by them, but don’t have any interest in the mental and other non-sexual aspects of the relationship, then it probably is just lust,” says David Bennett, a certified advisor and relationship expert to Bustle.

You are Still Invested In Them Even With Bad Sex

If you are suffering to have a sexual chemistry with your partner, or you don’t like his or her style in bed, but you still wish to remain together for a slew of different reasons, it is probably because you love them, says Bennett. “Love is a connection that is deeper than just sexual attraction, and is emotional as well as intellectual, and continues even when you may be trying hard to connect sexually with your spouse,” says Bennett.


“Lust is typically compound, primal and strongly physical. It typically involves idealization and fantasy about the person,” says Stacy Kaiser, Live Happy Editor At Large and certified psychotherapist, to Bustle. “Love will be calmer and quieter. click over here takes more time to grow and feels much more like a mental and psychological bond than a physical or chemical one,” Kaiser adds.

You’re Obsessive

“Lust and the first phases of a relationship involve the addiction center of your brain, which is fed from the hormones that surge through you every time you visit or think about the object of the dreams,” says Michelle Archard, Romance Expert to Bustle. “If you’re continually searching to get a ‘repair’ of your partner then you’re most likely still in the lust stage. If you’re able to go a while without contact and aren’t continually considering them then you have moved to the love or attachment phase,” Archard describes.

You Feel Grounded About Them

“Love is profound grounded feeling. Love is layered. When you love somebody, the whole package is taken by you. You want to get to understand them. In general, you will be enthusiastic about peeling back those layers.

You are Doing More “Couple” Things

“By the time love happens, couples are generally moving in with them, buying a house, moving up the career ladder, and thinking of kids. They have much more stress happening in their lifetime, which helps to kill (or even slow down) lust,” explains Cath Hakanson, sex educator and creator of Sex Ed Rescue to Bustle.

You are Focused On Getting Everything You Need

Following is an integral difference: Lust is all about getting what you need (perhaps some hot sex) , while love is much more about enduring the relationship and giving on a partner, explains Author & dating coach, Brian Taylor, to Bustle. Think about it’ll help determine whether you’re feeling lust or love and where your brain is.

You Do Not Feel Safe To Open

“Should you truly feel safe to share your feelings in your relationship, and you feel accepted despite your flaws, it’s likely love. If you believe you can not or do not want to share your feelings and be emotionally vulnerable in your relationship, then it is likely lust,” Shirani M. Pathak, LCSW, Relationship Center of Silicon Valley, says over email with Bustle.

If you notice any of these gaps popping up on your relationship, then you’ll certainly get a few signs to comprehend the difference. If it’s aligned with what you want, that is great. If not, it’s time to re-evaluate.